Everyone wants to feel loved, especially when a huge void has been created by starting down the road toward divorce. For some, it feels like the sudden puncturing of an above-ground pool, a repressed and a familiar juvenile energy complete with surging confidence and a whole world of attractive prospects. For others, it’s the desire to escape pain and to find the quickest source of novel comfort—a new person, now. It’s natural to want to date. But divorce takes time—anywhere from months to years depending on the complexity. 

Here is the maddening fact of wanting to date while proceeding through a divorce: If you are impatient because your divorce is taking too long, that dating may make things much worse. Longer timelines generally mean either more contentious or more at stake. In the case that you are actually moving through your divorce quickly (in as little as a few months), you probably can bear waiting to date; then again, it might be such an amicable situation that dating casually wouldn’t inflame the other spouse anyway.

When it comes to dating in the midst of your divorce, here are some serious details to consider:

Dire Risk of a Fault-Based Divorce

Finally, perhaps most importantly, if it is determined that you might have been dating before formal separation, that could be construed as a cause of divorce. You could be headed toward a “fault-based” divorce on account of adultery. In Alabama, the judge has discretion to take adulterous behavior into consideration when determining property division and alimony.

Consider the precedent of Wright v. Wright, 19 So. 3d 901 (Ala. Civ. App. 2009). Based on available evidence of adultery, the court determined a fault-based divorce. The husband’s property share went down and his alimony went up. His lawyers appealed to no avail. The appeals court agreed with the original ruling because his at-fault behavior was appropriately considered.

Get Perspective (Personally)

Investigate your newly unleashed romantic spirit. Anyone feeling wild fluctuations and impulses during a divorce is well-advised to receive counseling. Nothing puts you in a more vulnerable state for bad decisions—substances, interpersonal relations, career moves . . . and “romance.”

Are you a fair representative of your normal or ideal self right now? Thinking rationally about where you are in the arc of your love life will put you in a better frame of mind to hear the inevitable answer.

It’s Not Ideal (Legally)

Is it good for the new partner, the old partner, the kids? No. Is it good for you? Probably not, but emotionally, it’s possible. Financially, as a legal client, and as a parent, dating during this time is a huge risk. Here are objective observations:

Dating while you are in technical matrimony can make your spouse feel vengeful and hurt (i.e. your case takes longer because the spouse is unwilling to negotiate, instead seeking to inflict pain)

Dating in front of children or surreptitiously can cause them to be confused and distrustful

Dating makes the court suspicious of an affair and opens you up to criticism and exclusively negative exposure during a trial. For instance, you will be put under the microscope to find out if you spent lavishly to impress a new lover while your spouse and children went without.

Dating can be humiliating for the new partner: the defense has a right to call them up for questioning and review intimate details of your interactions. This is a foul note on which to begin the new relationship.

If you’re considering a divorce, contact Semmes Law Firm for real, compassionate advice today. Our prompt, professional expertise can empower you to move forward and discover the resolution that’s best for you. Click here or call 251-317-0117 for a legal consultation today.