So, you’re getting divorced. Initial filings have taken place, and you find yourself reeling through every type of emotion as the who-gets-what conversations begin. The division of the life that you and your spouse built together can take months or years before any final agreements are made. While this time might feel like a renaissance as you strut past the mirror with your new break-up haircut, any ideas of dating during this period should be put on hold.
We live in a world of instant gratification. When our needs aren’t met, we look for the fast fix. In the case of divorce, this quick stitch usually emerges as another person. Regardless of whether you are crushed by the weight of your own heartache or thriving and thrilled for the final divorce order, validation and companionship are natural human desires. This yearning becomes problematic in a legal situation when timing is everything. If the divorce proceedings are moving slowly, this usually indicates that your divorce is contentious or that more was at stake than either of you realized. Your impatience might grow while sauntering through this process. This lag ignites the notion of, “Maybe it’s time to get back out there.” Even if your divorce is moving swiftly and your relationship with your spouse is cordial, dating before the divorce is final might turn an amicable situation upside down.
Here are some things to consider before taking the dating dive:
Possibility of You Being At Fault for the Divorce
In Alabama, adultery is still a crime. You might be thinking, “Well, that’s interesting, but I am not committing adultery by dating during a split.” However, a judge might see things differently. In the case of Grimmett v. Grimmett, So. 3d (Ala.2022), the court allowed evidence of Jason Grimmett’s “post-complaint adultery” as a statutory ground for divorce. This means that Jason dated another person after the complaint for divorce was already filed. The fact is, when dating before the final order, you are putting yourself at great risk for being found at fault for the demise of the marriage, which can effect the division of assets and custody in certain situations.
You Might be Judged…by the Judge
On top of the type of divorce changing, a judge might actually critique you as a person based on the fact that you’ve started dating before the papers are signed. If children are involved, custody discussions might be founded on the moral character that you have conveyed to the judge. While this might not seem fair, it’s a fact that judges are people who formulate their own opinions given the evidence presented to them. The potential exists for you to be labeled a poor decision maker or, even worse, unsympathetic to the needs of your children and the feelings of your spouse.
In the case that you have no children, you’re still not in the clear. Spousal support is still within the court’s consideration in a childless divorce. Contemplating the optics of being the only dating spouse is crucial when hoping for a smooth divorce process.
Bottom Line
Why not wait? There’s always that aggravating, truthful saying, “Good things come to those who wait.” Legally, there is much more to lose when impatience takes the lead in your divorce. Instead, it might be better to think of the bigger picture and the long-term richness of a well-planned outcome.
No matter how many clients have asked over the years, I will never say that it’s ok to date during a divorce. The possible negative impact to your case will always outweigh the positives of you dating during the divorce.
If divorce has crossed your mind, contact Semmes Law firm for sincere and honest advice. We can help pave the way towards your desired conclusion of this confusing time. Click here or call 251-317-0177 for a legal consultation today.
